I've been meaning to blog about this subject for a very long time, and I think this period of time is the most relevant, since I might not be able to be in that situation when Foundation starts.

As you all know, I started going to public school in Form 3, and that means I'm home like all the time. My older sister, Qilah, and my younger sister, Una, are away from home, so that leaves me with my other younger sister, Maryam, and my younger brother, Ahmad.

True, at times I do feel the burden of being the eldest. I kind of feel the urge of giving advice and care for their well being, despite the fact that I myself am not that well off. But hey, if someone had to be perfect before giving advice to other people, then, even parents doesn't have the rights to give advice to their own child.

The more people I knew, the more families I've been introduced, and the more I'm curious of how an order has a personality influence. There's something about the second child that I can't seem to ignore. It's always the second child that's the most rebel, or different, or curious, or causes the most trouble. It's called the second child syndrome, you can google it. And me being a second child trying to be a 'first born' is like...defying nature. I mean, it's not as if I'm being a first born, it's more like a...second child being in charge. I just do things differently. I've never mentioned this before, but me and Qilah are like two very different personalities. I know we're family and all, but we never survived being together in a period of time without fighting. It just...happens. We have different opinions in EVERYTHING. Especially consolation. When we fight, like if I was upset, I want a moment for myself, a moment of silence, to get all these words and emotions  in my head to cool down, I don't want any interaction with anybody, I don't want people asking me "Are you okay?" I don't want people telling me "Don't Cry". in other words, tak suka dipujuk. Qilah just NEVER gets that point. She'll always sit beside me and talk non-stop and it's freaking smothering. She on the other hand, wants to be consoled, she wants to hear those words of consolation, and I just don't like doing it. I don't even know how to.

See how different we are? But I have no grudge on her, no, she's been away from home since she was Form 1, and that's like...8 years, so she can't possibly understand my mind, I bet she's trying to, but failing miserably. But honestly, deep down- reaaa~l deep down, I love her. I just have a very hard time expressing it.

So that's being the eldest, next, being alone.

I finish school at 1 PM, on Fridays, 12.30 PM, my brother and sister on the other hand, finishes school at 4.00, they get home at about 4.30, so during that period, I feel like an only child. So what does it feels like, being an only child? One word: Awesome!!!

It's not that I'm wishing that my other 4 siblings magically disappeared, it's just that their absence gave room for me, mentally and physically. I mean, I no longer need to be the eldest of anyone, I'm just me. And my parents give their whole attention to me, so there's no comparison of me and the others, and it feels so comfortable having conversations, just the three of us. And believe it or not, I get a bit...manja. I don't know why, but I tend to be like that whenever I'm alone with both my parents or just one of them. Sometimes I get treated to lunch or dinner, sometimes shopping, sometimes just following a conference or a meeting. The 'only child moments' are much longer since school ended, so I'm kind of pretty used to it by now, but I'm not attached to it. Like I'm not willing to kill my siblings for this lifestyle, but it's best to live it til it lasts.

Last but not least, I get to know things that my sisters doesn't know, sometimes when things happen, I'd be one of the first to know, which is ironic because I'm not the type of person to stay alert for breaking news, but since I'm living in the news, I see it in a different perspective. You know, it's like if a raid happened in Malaysia, the Malaysians living overseas, could only know it by listening the news, but they're not experiencing it.

Bottom line is, staying home has a lot of perks, and it wasn't a bad choice. I never regretted it. I'm teased a lot, because of that fact, but truthfully, if I were to choose, asrama or berulang, I would definitely choose berulang. There's no place like home and what's a home if you're not living in it? Since UIA starts at the end of this month, I might be away from home for a while....but PJ and Shah Alam are fairly close I think I might go home every week XD

Labels: cincang darah pon boleh

I've been meaning to blog about this subject for a very long time, and I think this period of time is the most relevant, since I might not be able to be in that situation when Foundation starts.

As you all know, I started going to public school in Form 3, and that means I'm home like all the time. My older sister, Qilah, and my younger sister, Una, are away from home, so that leaves me with my other younger sister, Maryam, and my younger brother, Ahmad.

True, at times I do feel the burden of being the eldest. I kind of feel the urge of giving advice and care for their well being, despite the fact that I myself am not that well off. But hey, if someone had to be perfect before giving advice to other people, then, even parents doesn't have the rights to give advice to their own child.

The more people I knew, the more families I've been introduced, and the more I'm curious of how an order has a personality influence. There's something about the second child that I can't seem to ignore. It's always the second child that's the most rebel, or different, or curious, or causes the most trouble. It's called the second child syndrome, you can google it. And me being a second child trying to be a 'first born' is like...defying nature. I mean, it's not as if I'm being a first born, it's more like a...second child being in charge. I just do things differently. I've never mentioned this before, but me and Qilah are like two very different personalities. I know we're family and all, but we never survived being together in a period of time without fighting. It just...happens. We have different opinions in EVERYTHING. Especially consolation. When we fight, like if I was upset, I want a moment for myself, a moment of silence, to get all these words and emotions  in my head to cool down, I don't want any interaction with anybody, I don't want people asking me "Are you okay?" I don't want people telling me "Don't Cry". in other words, tak suka dipujuk. Qilah just NEVER gets that point. She'll always sit beside me and talk non-stop and it's freaking smothering. She on the other hand, wants to be consoled, she wants to hear those words of consolation, and I just don't like doing it. I don't even know how to.

See how different we are? But I have no grudge on her, no, she's been away from home since she was Form 1, and that's like...8 years, so she can't possibly understand my mind, I bet she's trying to, but failing miserably. But honestly, deep down- reaaa~l deep down, I love her. I just have a very hard time expressing it.

So that's being the eldest, next, being alone.

I finish school at 1 PM, on Fridays, 12.30 PM, my brother and sister on the other hand, finishes school at 4.00, they get home at about 4.30, so during that period, I feel like an only child. So what does it feels like, being an only child? One word: Awesome!!!

It's not that I'm wishing that my other 4 siblings magically disappeared, it's just that their absence gave room for me, mentally and physically. I mean, I no longer need to be the eldest of anyone, I'm just me. And my parents give their whole attention to me, so there's no comparison of me and the others, and it feels so comfortable having conversations, just the three of us. And believe it or not, I get a bit...manja. I don't know why, but I tend to be like that whenever I'm alone with both my parents or just one of them. Sometimes I get treated to lunch or dinner, sometimes shopping, sometimes just following a conference or a meeting. The 'only child moments' are much longer since school ended, so I'm kind of pretty used to it by now, but I'm not attached to it. Like I'm not willing to kill my siblings for this lifestyle, but it's best to live it til it lasts.

Last but not least, I get to know things that my sisters doesn't know, sometimes when things happen, I'd be one of the first to know, which is ironic because I'm not the type of person to stay alert for breaking news, but since I'm living in the news, I see it in a different perspective. You know, it's like if a raid happened in Malaysia, the Malaysians living overseas, could only know it by listening the news, but they're not experiencing it.

Bottom line is, staying home has a lot of perks, and it wasn't a bad choice. I never regretted it. I'm teased a lot, because of that fact, but truthfully, if I were to choose, asrama or berulang, I would definitely choose berulang. There's no place like home and what's a home if you're not living in it? Since UIA starts at the end of this month, I might be away from home for a while....but PJ and Shah Alam are fairly close I think I might go home every week XD

Labels: cincang darah pon boleh

the name's Naelah Nordin, and if we've been close, you'd know my middle name too. 18, going through the ups and downs of life, nothing different than yours.

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