I've decided to abandon this blog for good. It was a nice ride. I've shared a lot; personal affairs, general thoughts, and a few secrets of my own, but I think that's enough. I kind of want to start blogging in a different way. In a simpler mode, and I just can't bare to change ajikto all over again. It's fine just the way it is, and starting from scratch is a much easier option. So embrace...

http://naelahnordin.blogspot.com

It's okay if there's a gap between the ground, because I've always been above clouds

Read more »

Labels: scrapbook

I was in Kelantan for the past week, and I had successfully been offline during that whole period. (Applause), so this trip, wasn't like any other trip to Kelantan before, it kind of felt like Raya, cause I met like every single relative that lived within Kelantan grounds, and slept at various places aside from my grands, so it was a different experience compared to the usual balik kampung tido rumah nenek, shopping pasar jumaat, balik Shah Alam.




A conversation with a pirate CD seller

"Abe, Ado Kongsi dok?"
"Mano ado lagi, tok tubik lagi"
"Tubik doh maring dulu"
"Baru tubik panggung, narat ado doh CD, nasaboh dio!"

Labels: Girl meets world

I've been meaning to blog about this subject for a very long time, and I think this period of time is the most relevant, since I might not be able to be in that situation when Foundation starts.

As you all know, I started going to public school in Form 3, and that means I'm home like all the time. My older sister, Qilah, and my younger sister, Una, are away from home, so that leaves me with my other younger sister, Maryam, and my younger brother, Ahmad.

True, at times I do feel the burden of being the eldest. I kind of feel the urge of giving advice and care for their well being, despite the fact that I myself am not that well off. But hey, if someone had to be perfect before giving advice to other people, then, even parents doesn't have the rights to give advice to their own child.

The more people I knew, the more families I've been introduced, and the more I'm curious of how an order has a personality influence. There's something about the second child that I can't seem to ignore. It's always the second child that's the most rebel, or different, or curious, or causes the most trouble. It's called the second child syndrome, you can google it. And me being a second child trying to be a 'first born' is like...defying nature. I mean, it's not as if I'm being a first born, it's more like a...second child being in charge. I just do things differently. I've never mentioned this before, but me and Qilah are like two very different personalities. I know we're family and all, but we never survived being together in a period of time without fighting. It just...happens. We have different opinions in EVERYTHING. Especially consolation. When we fight, like if I was upset, I want a moment for myself, a moment of silence, to get all these words and emotions  in my head to cool down, I don't want any interaction with anybody, I don't want people asking me "Are you okay?" I don't want people telling me "Don't Cry". in other words, tak suka dipujuk. Qilah just NEVER gets that point. She'll always sit beside me and talk non-stop and it's freaking smothering. She on the other hand, wants to be consoled, she wants to hear those words of consolation, and I just don't like doing it. I don't even know how to.

See how different we are? But I have no grudge on her, no, she's been away from home since she was Form 1, and that's like...8 years, so she can't possibly understand my mind, I bet she's trying to, but failing miserably. But honestly, deep down- reaaa~l deep down, I love her. I just have a very hard time expressing it.

So that's being the eldest, next, being alone.

I finish school at 1 PM, on Fridays, 12.30 PM, my brother and sister on the other hand, finishes school at 4.00, they get home at about 4.30, so during that period, I feel like an only child. So what does it feels like, being an only child? One word: Awesome!!!

It's not that I'm wishing that my other 4 siblings magically disappeared, it's just that their absence gave room for me, mentally and physically. I mean, I no longer need to be the eldest of anyone, I'm just me. And my parents give their whole attention to me, so there's no comparison of me and the others, and it feels so comfortable having conversations, just the three of us. And believe it or not, I get a bit...manja. I don't know why, but I tend to be like that whenever I'm alone with both my parents or just one of them. Sometimes I get treated to lunch or dinner, sometimes shopping, sometimes just following a conference or a meeting. The 'only child moments' are much longer since school ended, so I'm kind of pretty used to it by now, but I'm not attached to it. Like I'm not willing to kill my siblings for this lifestyle, but it's best to live it til it lasts.

Last but not least, I get to know things that my sisters doesn't know, sometimes when things happen, I'd be one of the first to know, which is ironic because I'm not the type of person to stay alert for breaking news, but since I'm living in the news, I see it in a different perspective. You know, it's like if a raid happened in Malaysia, the Malaysians living overseas, could only know it by listening the news, but they're not experiencing it.

Bottom line is, staying home has a lot of perks, and it wasn't a bad choice. I never regretted it. I'm teased a lot, because of that fact, but truthfully, if I were to choose, asrama or berulang, I would definitely choose berulang. There's no place like home and what's a home if you're not living in it? Since UIA starts at the end of this month, I might be away from home for a while....but PJ and Shah Alam are fairly close I think I might go home every week XD

Labels: cincang darah pon boleh

It's that day of that week of that month again. Mother's day~~ (applause) In conjunction of this special event, I would like to voice out my thoughts on motherhood. just read on, you'll understand.

Mothers are sensitive creatures- I'm not referring to women in general, because Mothers are like a specific group within women which I consider different. It's like, when a woman starts changing their status from a 'Married woman' to a 'Mother', she's more than just a woman, she just brought life to the world, and this group of people tend to feel, act, and react the same. Motherly instincts, ring a bell?

I guess it's just so common to hear "Aku takleh ar, mak aku marah nanti" "Kalau mak aku tau, bebel smpi Subuh." Even if you ask a friend to hang out, if they say "Mak aku tak kasi" , then the meeting's automatically off. It's just such big of a deal, the role and impact of a mother, that I had to clear my mind, be calm, and it just came to me, "Hey, mak aku remaja gak dulu" She went through the same phase as I am, struggling through...similar problems, and probably made stupid(er) mistakes like I did. But why does it feels as if she never went through all that? Like, I can't imagine my mother skipping school, hanging out at some mamak stall, drinking up a fuzzy grape soda staying alert for teachers on patrol (not that I did any of those), but yeah, I just can't imagine my mother doing anything breaking the rules. Since she always tell me to abide them, I just can't imagine her being scold by my grandmother about those things.

I guess that's my problem with my mom. Everyone has problems with their mother in different aspects. And for me, my mother never talks about her mistakes/flaws. In other words, she always talk about her perfection, you know, like "I never did that when I was your age!" "When Nenek scold me once, I never repeated that mistake again." "I never this...I never that" which is actually a good thing, if you try to rationalize. She wants her children to follow her footsteps, see her as a role model, and do the things that she did, and by telling only the good stuff, there is a possibility that I could be perfect. But the thing is, I don't believe in perfection, so that's a major problem.

Mothers are sensitive. I am a sensitive person, but my mother claims that I'm emotionless. So, if you know me, and you know how sensitive I am, so you can imagine how sensitive mothers are. I'm not saying that in a bad way. Mothers have the right to be sensitive. Isn't that's the whole reason of that birth surgery that every freaking motivational camp shows. I came up with a few reasons why they just HAVE to show THAT video.

• Your mother endured THIS much pain JUST to have you
• You do not have the rights to hurt this woman, and this woman has all the rights to be mad/scold/beat/nag at you
• Whenever you hurt her feelings, they'll think about the pain of giving birth, and the worth of going through it all.
• Just because you don't remember going through a very tiny hole that hurts the owner so much it feels like dying, doesn't mean you can ignore the fact that you did.

Bottom line is, she can make you feel like shit, and you don't even have the rights to fight back. I tell this to my brother and sister all the time, the way you treat people and how you react to their doings are different than how you should treat and react to your mother. So, when my mother says to me that I treat her like I treat my friends, I was a bit offended, because I don't. Really, I don't. When I say I'm trying to change, I really mean it. So Ummi, sorry if you feel that way, but I'm trying to change for the better, and that's the code for 'forget all those mistakes ever happened'

But that's the thing about mothers, they have a keen memory.  They'll remember every single mistake that you did. Every single time you made her cry, and giving birth to you felt like yesterday. So they're like, emotionally imbalance, once you upset her, all these memories come rushing over, and she starts remembering things that aren't even relevant to the current situation. It sounds irrelevant, it sounds quite ridiculous, but there's nothing strange about that. That's just how mothers are.

I'm blessed. Rea~~ly blessed for having really cool parents. They never force me to do things that I don't want. They talk to me if I did anything wrong. They give great advice, and they have taught me a lot in life, and I've gotta give more kudos for my mom, because she does those things more than my dad. And sometimes, when I hear friends/colleagues/in facebook people talk about how bad their mothers are, it kind of hurts. So, I made this post dedicated for myself, to reflect on my relationship with my mother, and secondly, to tell all YOU guys who may or may not have treated your mothers in a way that upsets her (even when you find that situation supposedly un-upsetting at all), I've got something to tell you: NOT COOL! In fact, it's lame. And just like how Amani told Mr. Miserable in Muallaf, "You shouldn't talk to your mother like that!"

They might be annoying sometimes, gets on your nerves, but at the end of the day, when you're alone and scared in the dark of the night, who's the one person on your mind? Who's the one person you call out even though she can't hear?



I don't know about you guys, but I'm getting teary eyed, so I'm gonna finish this off with a gif that would express my feeling towards my mom. *wipe tears*

Labels: besides heroes always die, cincang darah pon boleh

Labels: Girl meets world, of wet socks and smelly armpits, put a banana in your ear

Backpacking to Korea, independently.
Excited.

Labels: Girl meets world

I intended to write a super long post about the Pharmacy, the ups and down being in it, and the experience of being surrounded by the people working in it. But time is short, and I need to start packing for tomorrow, so, next time maybe :)

Labels: listen to my heartbeat

I've decided to abandon this blog for good. It was a nice ride. I've shared a lot; personal affairs, general thoughts, and a few secrets of my own, but I think that's enough. I kind of want to start blogging in a different way. In a simpler mode, and I just can't bare to change ajikto all over again. It's fine just the way it is, and starting from scratch is a much easier option. So embrace...

http://naelahnordin.blogspot.com

It's okay if there's a gap between the ground, because I've always been above clouds

Read more »

Labels: scrapbook

I was in Kelantan for the past week, and I had successfully been offline during that whole period. (Applause), so this trip, wasn't like any other trip to Kelantan before, it kind of felt like Raya, cause I met like every single relative that lived within Kelantan grounds, and slept at various places aside from my grands, so it was a different experience compared to the usual balik kampung tido rumah nenek, shopping pasar jumaat, balik Shah Alam.




A conversation with a pirate CD seller

"Abe, Ado Kongsi dok?"
"Mano ado lagi, tok tubik lagi"
"Tubik doh maring dulu"
"Baru tubik panggung, narat ado doh CD, nasaboh dio!"

Labels: Girl meets world

I've been meaning to blog about this subject for a very long time, and I think this period of time is the most relevant, since I might not be able to be in that situation when Foundation starts.

As you all know, I started going to public school in Form 3, and that means I'm home like all the time. My older sister, Qilah, and my younger sister, Una, are away from home, so that leaves me with my other younger sister, Maryam, and my younger brother, Ahmad.

True, at times I do feel the burden of being the eldest. I kind of feel the urge of giving advice and care for their well being, despite the fact that I myself am not that well off. But hey, if someone had to be perfect before giving advice to other people, then, even parents doesn't have the rights to give advice to their own child.

The more people I knew, the more families I've been introduced, and the more I'm curious of how an order has a personality influence. There's something about the second child that I can't seem to ignore. It's always the second child that's the most rebel, or different, or curious, or causes the most trouble. It's called the second child syndrome, you can google it. And me being a second child trying to be a 'first born' is like...defying nature. I mean, it's not as if I'm being a first born, it's more like a...second child being in charge. I just do things differently. I've never mentioned this before, but me and Qilah are like two very different personalities. I know we're family and all, but we never survived being together in a period of time without fighting. It just...happens. We have different opinions in EVERYTHING. Especially consolation. When we fight, like if I was upset, I want a moment for myself, a moment of silence, to get all these words and emotions  in my head to cool down, I don't want any interaction with anybody, I don't want people asking me "Are you okay?" I don't want people telling me "Don't Cry". in other words, tak suka dipujuk. Qilah just NEVER gets that point. She'll always sit beside me and talk non-stop and it's freaking smothering. She on the other hand, wants to be consoled, she wants to hear those words of consolation, and I just don't like doing it. I don't even know how to.

See how different we are? But I have no grudge on her, no, she's been away from home since she was Form 1, and that's like...8 years, so she can't possibly understand my mind, I bet she's trying to, but failing miserably. But honestly, deep down- reaaa~l deep down, I love her. I just have a very hard time expressing it.

So that's being the eldest, next, being alone.

I finish school at 1 PM, on Fridays, 12.30 PM, my brother and sister on the other hand, finishes school at 4.00, they get home at about 4.30, so during that period, I feel like an only child. So what does it feels like, being an only child? One word: Awesome!!!

It's not that I'm wishing that my other 4 siblings magically disappeared, it's just that their absence gave room for me, mentally and physically. I mean, I no longer need to be the eldest of anyone, I'm just me. And my parents give their whole attention to me, so there's no comparison of me and the others, and it feels so comfortable having conversations, just the three of us. And believe it or not, I get a bit...manja. I don't know why, but I tend to be like that whenever I'm alone with both my parents or just one of them. Sometimes I get treated to lunch or dinner, sometimes shopping, sometimes just following a conference or a meeting. The 'only child moments' are much longer since school ended, so I'm kind of pretty used to it by now, but I'm not attached to it. Like I'm not willing to kill my siblings for this lifestyle, but it's best to live it til it lasts.

Last but not least, I get to know things that my sisters doesn't know, sometimes when things happen, I'd be one of the first to know, which is ironic because I'm not the type of person to stay alert for breaking news, but since I'm living in the news, I see it in a different perspective. You know, it's like if a raid happened in Malaysia, the Malaysians living overseas, could only know it by listening the news, but they're not experiencing it.

Bottom line is, staying home has a lot of perks, and it wasn't a bad choice. I never regretted it. I'm teased a lot, because of that fact, but truthfully, if I were to choose, asrama or berulang, I would definitely choose berulang. There's no place like home and what's a home if you're not living in it? Since UIA starts at the end of this month, I might be away from home for a while....but PJ and Shah Alam are fairly close I think I might go home every week XD

Labels: cincang darah pon boleh

It's that day of that week of that month again. Mother's day~~ (applause) In conjunction of this special event, I would like to voice out my thoughts on motherhood. just read on, you'll understand.

Mothers are sensitive creatures- I'm not referring to women in general, because Mothers are like a specific group within women which I consider different. It's like, when a woman starts changing their status from a 'Married woman' to a 'Mother', she's more than just a woman, she just brought life to the world, and this group of people tend to feel, act, and react the same. Motherly instincts, ring a bell?

I guess it's just so common to hear "Aku takleh ar, mak aku marah nanti" "Kalau mak aku tau, bebel smpi Subuh." Even if you ask a friend to hang out, if they say "Mak aku tak kasi" , then the meeting's automatically off. It's just such big of a deal, the role and impact of a mother, that I had to clear my mind, be calm, and it just came to me, "Hey, mak aku remaja gak dulu" She went through the same phase as I am, struggling through...similar problems, and probably made stupid(er) mistakes like I did. But why does it feels as if she never went through all that? Like, I can't imagine my mother skipping school, hanging out at some mamak stall, drinking up a fuzzy grape soda staying alert for teachers on patrol (not that I did any of those), but yeah, I just can't imagine my mother doing anything breaking the rules. Since she always tell me to abide them, I just can't imagine her being scold by my grandmother about those things.

I guess that's my problem with my mom. Everyone has problems with their mother in different aspects. And for me, my mother never talks about her mistakes/flaws. In other words, she always talk about her perfection, you know, like "I never did that when I was your age!" "When Nenek scold me once, I never repeated that mistake again." "I never this...I never that" which is actually a good thing, if you try to rationalize. She wants her children to follow her footsteps, see her as a role model, and do the things that she did, and by telling only the good stuff, there is a possibility that I could be perfect. But the thing is, I don't believe in perfection, so that's a major problem.

Mothers are sensitive. I am a sensitive person, but my mother claims that I'm emotionless. So, if you know me, and you know how sensitive I am, so you can imagine how sensitive mothers are. I'm not saying that in a bad way. Mothers have the right to be sensitive. Isn't that's the whole reason of that birth surgery that every freaking motivational camp shows. I came up with a few reasons why they just HAVE to show THAT video.

• Your mother endured THIS much pain JUST to have you
• You do not have the rights to hurt this woman, and this woman has all the rights to be mad/scold/beat/nag at you
• Whenever you hurt her feelings, they'll think about the pain of giving birth, and the worth of going through it all.
• Just because you don't remember going through a very tiny hole that hurts the owner so much it feels like dying, doesn't mean you can ignore the fact that you did.

Bottom line is, she can make you feel like shit, and you don't even have the rights to fight back. I tell this to my brother and sister all the time, the way you treat people and how you react to their doings are different than how you should treat and react to your mother. So, when my mother says to me that I treat her like I treat my friends, I was a bit offended, because I don't. Really, I don't. When I say I'm trying to change, I really mean it. So Ummi, sorry if you feel that way, but I'm trying to change for the better, and that's the code for 'forget all those mistakes ever happened'

But that's the thing about mothers, they have a keen memory.  They'll remember every single mistake that you did. Every single time you made her cry, and giving birth to you felt like yesterday. So they're like, emotionally imbalance, once you upset her, all these memories come rushing over, and she starts remembering things that aren't even relevant to the current situation. It sounds irrelevant, it sounds quite ridiculous, but there's nothing strange about that. That's just how mothers are.

I'm blessed. Rea~~ly blessed for having really cool parents. They never force me to do things that I don't want. They talk to me if I did anything wrong. They give great advice, and they have taught me a lot in life, and I've gotta give more kudos for my mom, because she does those things more than my dad. And sometimes, when I hear friends/colleagues/in facebook people talk about how bad their mothers are, it kind of hurts. So, I made this post dedicated for myself, to reflect on my relationship with my mother, and secondly, to tell all YOU guys who may or may not have treated your mothers in a way that upsets her (even when you find that situation supposedly un-upsetting at all), I've got something to tell you: NOT COOL! In fact, it's lame. And just like how Amani told Mr. Miserable in Muallaf, "You shouldn't talk to your mother like that!"

They might be annoying sometimes, gets on your nerves, but at the end of the day, when you're alone and scared in the dark of the night, who's the one person on your mind? Who's the one person you call out even though she can't hear?



I don't know about you guys, but I'm getting teary eyed, so I'm gonna finish this off with a gif that would express my feeling towards my mom. *wipe tears*

Labels: besides heroes always die, cincang darah pon boleh

Labels: Girl meets world, of wet socks and smelly armpits, put a banana in your ear

Backpacking to Korea, independently.
Excited.

Labels: Girl meets world

I intended to write a super long post about the Pharmacy, the ups and down being in it, and the experience of being surrounded by the people working in it. But time is short, and I need to start packing for tomorrow, so, next time maybe :)

Labels: listen to my heartbeat

the name's Naelah Nordin, and if we've been close, you'd know my middle name too. 18, going through the ups and downs of life, nothing different than yours.

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